The Call from Within
Why
marry? The question is so maddening because there seems to be very little
rational reason to support such a drastic move. Whichever way the issue is
presented, the obvious cons considerably outweigh any pros which may be
suggested. What logic lurks behind a commitment which lasts an eternity? Would
anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding
lifetime obligation when so many jobs are available which do not require such
an extreme commitment? So why enter a binding marriage proposition? While the
marriage contract does contain an escape clause, invoking this clause
invariably causes unspeakable pain and emotional havoc. Why not enjoy
relationships for their natural duration and then move on when the eroded
passion ceases to justify the maintenance of the relationship? Why would any
sane person willingly consent to stick with a relationship even after it
deteriorates to the point that it is rocky and challenging at best?
"Would
anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding
lifetime obligation?"
Admittedly, the improved economic standing of women and the
elimination of much of the stigma attached to remaining single have caused the
marriage rate to decline in recent decades. Nevertheless, despite the decrease
in societal and peer pressure to marry, latest statistics show that more than
three quarters of the adult population is married!
So why do we marry? According to Kabbala, the
compulsion to rush into a lifelong commitment is an expression of the human
soul's deepest ambitions. The subliminal signals emanating from the soul have
caused the logic-defying institution of marriage to be an integral part of the
human fabric since the dawn of time. The soul's desire to connect and commit
makes the aspiration for marriage one of our most basic instincts.
What
is the soul's agenda? What does it stand to gain from hooking up with another
soul? The Mystics explain that two primary considerations drive the soul's
desire to marry: a desire to be complete and its need to transcend itself.
1+1=1
In the
first marriage ever, Adam and Eve were initially created as a
single, two-faced body. The single being was split in two -- a man and a woman
-- and then reunited in matrimony. In the world of souls, the partition and
reunification of the male and female components of individual souls occurs
continually. Every body is occupied by half a soul, and both body and soul only
reach a state of completion when they are reunited with their bashert,their long-lost other
half.
"The
attraction to the opposite sex actually stems from the soul's innate desire to
reunite with its soulmate"
The Talmud says that each soul's bashert(predestined soulmate)
is determined before its birth. The two may be born continents apart with
seemingly nothing in common, but Divine destiny ensures that everyone's path
intersects with their bashert's.
[In
rare instances, due to external spiritual factors which may intervene, it is
possible for people to marry spouses who are not their basherts. Even in such
instances, however, eventually the two original soulmates will marry -- whether
later on in life as a second marriage, or in a future incarnation of the two
souls. See Marriage:
Destiny or Chance.]
Thus
the attraction to the opposite sex, so often reviled as a weakness associated
with base carnal urges, actually stems from the soul's innate desire to reunite
with its soulmate.
Extreme
care must be taken not to misuse the sacred and potent power of sexual
attraction by expending it in a context other than marriage. SeeDating the Jewish Way for more on this subject.
The
Commitment Itself is the Objective
Whereas
bodily needs and tendencies are decidedly egocentric, the soul is totally
selfless. Commitment without the expectation of a commensurate return benefit
may sound absurd when talking the language of the body, but is music to the
ears of the soul. The soul's most fervent wish is to transcend itself. Marriage
offers the soul the opportunity to express its altruistic nature.
Marriage
is about two souls who put their individual needs aside, and commit themselves
100% to the success of the relationship.
The
Ultimate Goal
Aside
for the bride and grooms' commitment to each other, Jewish marriage involves an
additional two commitments. Firstly, it is a commitment to the continuity of
the Jewish nation. Jewish parents raising Jewish children with Jewish values is
our non-violent way of combating the Crusaders, Chmielnicki, Hitler, and all
the other bigots who aspired to relegate the Jewish people to the annals of
history.
"Marriage
is also a commitment to actualizing the Divine plan which spawned all of
creation"
Secondly,
marriage is also a commitment to actualizing the Divine plan which spawned all
of creation. G‑d desired a home, and it is our mission
to sanctify the world, making it a hospitable abode for its Creator. The
ammunition we were provided to accomplish this task are the Torah and its commandments; and the home is
the first frontier. Man and woman are the perfect team to implement this plan.
When working in harmony they have the ability to make the home an epicenter of
holiness whose rippling waves affect the neighborhood, the country, the world,
and the cosmos.
Because
of the considerable role marriage plays in the actualization of the master plan
for creation, G‑d expends considerable time and energy (as it were) on
"playing matchmaker."
"With
what is He occupied since [the six days of Creation]?" the Midrashasks. "He
is preoccupied with matching together couples," is the answer! Every
individual wedding is a vital piece in the grand puzzle which when completed
will usher all of creation into its intended state of redemption.
Jewish marriage is about two people who commit
themselves 100% to the success of G‑d's relationship with creation.
Questions:
1. Do you believe in the sacredness of getting married?
2. Do you have any plans in getting married? Why?
3. When do you planned to get married?
4. Nowadays, why do you think people get married?
5. If marriage is sacred, why some couples get a divorce?
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