Things You Must Never Say Aloud

Don't say these bad words. Ever.

Published on February 26, 2012 by Jen Kim in Valley Girl With a Brain

            There is a lexicon of phrases that can destroy each of us. They have the power to halt progress, kill a dream and, ultimately, turn you into a shriveled up person who you no longer recognize, and somewhat despise.

            These words vary for people, but their poisonous sentiments are universal. These messages we tell ourselves serve only to make us feel ashamed, powerless, and unhappy. Why do that to yourself? Why be your own enemy?

            I have struggled with my own list of doom-inspired sayings, but through the years, I have slowly learned to identify the most menacing verbal culprits. The next step is to cut them out of speech and conversation, because there is a powerful force behind words. 

            Intention and positive (or negative) thought is real, even if you are not a New Age subscriber. 

According to Martin Seligman, an expert on positive psychology, there is validity behind self-fulfilling prophecies. His research indicates that people can foresee and determine their futures by the way they explain events and experiences in their lives.

In simple terms, Seligman says, "Positive feelings about a person or an object get us to approach it, while negative feelings get us to avoid it."
And even if positive thinking didn't supply the desired results, what is the point of hopelessly wandering throughout life, never looking forward to anything?

            Like Seligman, I believe that what you export into the world will eventually be imported back into you. Which is why I have changed the way I address myself and the people around me.

These are five things I try not to say aloud:

1. I can't do this.  

            Even if this is true, even if you are 100 percent positive you can't do something, do not say it aloud, and certainly, not around others. You have the choice not to do it if you don't want to, but do not announce your limitations. Keep it to yourself. Let your brain mull it over and work out the impossible details. The problem with declaring a barrier, is that once you say it, something in your head clicks, and you begin to tell yourself that you really can't do it and that you shouldn't even try. You've walked away from a door of opportunity without checking to see if it was unlocked.

2. Why does she get it and I don't? 

             As a middle child, I have survived decades of suffering from Jan Brady syndrome. I openly admit, jealousy is my most menacing vice; however, I make efforts to curb envy by refusing to acknowledge it. Once you start asking God, why it is that Marsha seems to have a charmed life, while you are relegated to Cousin Oliver status, it's over. Resentment fills up your heart and a little part of you gives up-- chalking it up to, "Well, life's not fair anyway.... so why should I even try?" With Facebook and other vanity social media sites, it's difficult not to believe that every person in your social circle has a more exciting life than you. If these websites make you jealous or feel sad, then get off of them.  Don't make yourself suffer in reality, because of an unattainable photo-shopped picture you saw in a friend's virtual newsfeed.

3. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, etc. 

            We all think these terrible thoughts once in a while. That's fine. We can't really suddenly rewire our brain after society's lifetime of negative inculcation. But we can minimize the damage we inflict upon ourselves by not voicing these anathemas aloud. When I say "I'm fat," I immediately become fat and insecure. I look for compliments or an ego-boost from the person I am talking to... but if she does say, "No, you look amazing", I assume she is lying and is just trying to be nice or she feel guilted into it. What is the point of this dialogue exactly? I never feel skinny afterwards, anyway. The more effective thing to do-- than to carp on about your flaws-- is to fix them. If you feel fat, develop an exercise routine and make an effort to lose weight or whatever. If you feel ugly, then start watching YouTube videos on how to apply makeup correctly (that's what I did!) or build your confidence through other means (beauty, is, after all, confidence). If you are convinced you are dumb as rocks, learn something. Go to the library, take a course, inject some kind of knowledge serum into your brain. In other words, make an effort to change how you feel, so you will no longer say that you are fat, ugly, stupid, etc.

4. You're better than me.

            Sorry, no one is better than you. They are just better at executing their goals. We say,"...but you're better than me" to shirk responsibility, so we don't have to commit to doing our best or seek to reach excellence. After all, if another person is better than us, then we don't have to try as hard, since we wont be as good as him anyway. We think, "What's the point?" Lame example, but look at Steve Jobs. Had he adopted the Microsoft-is-better-than-me mentality, I would not be writing on this Mac. You would not be reading this on your iPhone, iPad, or Macbook Pro. Obviously, we are not all destined to become the next Steve Jobs in our careers, but some of us are. Why can't it be you?

5. I'll do it later. 

            For me, the word "later" encapsulates fear. Why? Because, in my life, later is never. Tabling a task until this ambiguous "later" is essentially predicting the task's funeral. I learned this difficult lesson in fifth grade, when I procrastinated on a school project and was up 'til midnight finishing a presentation on Delaware. Don't put off later what you can accomplish now. We all have busy schedules, families, significant others, and friends to entertain, but life is about your accomplishments too-- so that you feel satisfied and happy. Don't use lack of time to excuse you from your dreams and needs. There was once a writer who worked a full-time teaching job, was a family man, and still found time (albeit, late in the night) to work on his novels every night. His name? Stephen King. 

Source link: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201202/things-you-must-never-say-aloud

QUESTIONS:

1.  Who is the positive psychologist mentioned on the article?

2. From the article, which of the words were you used to utter? Why? 

3. Do you agree to Jen Kim? Why?

4. After reading the article, what action will you do in response of being positive?

5. From the article, can you write down three more things that you should not say? What are those words?