“Think
of regret as like looking in the rear view mirror when you’re driving. To drive
forward well, we often use the rear view mirror; we do need to look backwards.
That doesn’t mean that we… only look in the rear view mirror….Regret works the
same way. It’s useful in moving us forward. ”
–Janet Landman, Ph.D.
Author of “Regret: The Persistence of the
Possible”
Janet Landman,
Ph.D., argues that regret serves many purposes — warning, instruction,
mobilization and ethical behavior. She says that we are likely to have more
problems in the long run by ignoring regret rather than by trying to figure out
what it can tell us.
Regret, like grief,
she says, is transformed by “working it through, which is lingering with it
long enough to experience it deeply [both] emotionally and intellectually.”
What do People
Regret?
Polls have shown
that between 35 and 65 percent of people have some regrets. Following are some
common themes of various surveys:
Education: The single most common regret, even in fairly well educated
samples, is that they had not gotten enough schooling.
Work: Many wish they had chosen a different occupation, and many women say they wish they had pursued
meaningful employment outside the home.
Marriage: Regrets range from wishing one had married earlier, later or to
a different person, or not at all.
Family: If they had to do it over again, people say they would try to
get along better with parents, siblings and children.
Getting older, habitually making hasty decisions, brooding,
suffering from chronic emotional distress and coming from a particular culture
all can predispose people to greater feelings of regret.
Are You a
Thinker or a Feeler?
If you are a
thinker who feels too little, you can use therapy to
help you be less afraid of feeling. Learning to hold on to feelings like regret
will help you understand what they have to teach you.
If you are a
“feeler” — regularly making impulsive decisions without enough forethought —
you instead should think before making decisionsabout
what you might regret later.
Regret is almost
unavoidable, says Landman, because we don’t really know what we want.
Considering what is important to you when you make decisions may help you
reduce regret. One use of your therapy sessions can be to explore what you are
really seeking.
Source link: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/facing-regret-in-life/
MODIFIED TRUE
OR FALSE
Directions: Put a smile mark [ J
] if the underlined word/ phrase are TRUE and if it is FALSE,
replace it with the correct word/ phrase.
__________
1.We have the ability to compare the actual to the possible; this means we don’t
risk regret.
________ 2.In education, it is the single most
common regret, even in fairly well educated samples, and is that they had
not gotten enough schooling.
__________ 3.Regret
is almost avoidable, says Landman, because we don’t really know what we want.
__________
4.Learning to hold on to feelings like regret will help you understand
what they have to teach you.
__________
5.Getting older, habitually making hasty decisions, brooding, suffering from chronic
emotional distress and coming from a particular culture all can predispose
people to lesser feelings of regret.
________ 6. In marriage, it is
the regret never ranges from wishing one had
married earlier, later or to a different person, or not at all.
__________ 7.It
was said that we were likely to have more problems in the long run by
ignoring regret rather than by trying to figure out what it can tell us.
________ 8. In family, if they had to do it over again,
people say they would try to get along better with parents, siblings and
children.
__________ 9.If you are a workaholic who
feels too little, you can use therapy to help you be less afraid of feeling.
________ 10. At work, many wish they had chosen a different occupation, and many women say they wish they had pursued
meaningful employment outside the home.
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